Fake it till you make it

“Do you want something of mine to change into?” her friend offered. It was a simple question, yet enough to get her heart and mind racing. As much as she would like to change into something comfortable, the thought of the embarrassment of not fitting into the clothes was so much more overpowering. She tells her friend she’s good, now uncomfortable in not just her clothes but in her own skin too.

This feeling of uneasiness is no stranger for her, but a frequent visitor. When shopping for clothes. Posing for a photo. Or simply every time she looks at herself in the mirror. As she sucks in her gut wishing she was leaner with a flat tummy. A thought reinforced periodically by an offhand comment by some relative or friend claiming to have her best interest at heart.

Just maybe, if they took a second to think they would realise that the weight of their words are far more damaging than any body fat. “Have you put on weight again?” “You should exercise more!” “You are way chubbier than before!” “Maybe it's time you start watching what you eat!” Every word tearing apart her confidence, triggering feelings of shame and giving way to a vicious cycle of self-loathing.

Time to cut down all things sweet. Minimise meals to one per day. Weigh every day multiple times. In the morning. Before a meal. After a meal. During the night. With clothes on. Without clothes on. Constantly adjusting her actions based on the number on the scale. Hating herself every time she eats a little too much. Drowning in guilt, every time she loses to cravings and indulges in emotional eating. Starving herself for long hours on the next day as punishment. Then paying her dues with severely low mood and energy, plus more intense cravings wrapped neatly in scorn. Now, too far down the hole of self-hatred that even genuine compliments sound like mocking. “You are beautiful!” her insides twists and turns as she cringes at the words that she once yearned to hear, convinced that feeling beautiful exists only in utopia.

These experiences are not unique. This story doesn’t belong to just one person, but a million others who constantly struggle to be kind to themselves against the pressures of society to look a certain way. The number of people who continuously put themselves down because they are not looking “fit” is far too many. Funnily enough, the same people will often be the first to rush in and reassure that everyone is beautiful just the way they are when it is someone else. A kind gesture which many understand to be of zero help. A temporary band-aid to a permanent wound at its best because while it may seem that it is a battle between oneself and the world, it's an internal struggle more than anything. External validation only lasts until the next round of insecurities are triggered and the cycle resets. So, how do we break this cycle?

A wise person once said, treat yourself like you would treat a friend you love. When your own mind attacks you, criticism after criticism, reassure yourself the same way you would with a friend. Compliment yourself as much as you can, going beyond just appearance. Next time you stand in front of the mirror, look for the things you love. Pamper yourself, dress up and get dolled up. Wear that dress you didn’t because you thought it won’t look good and flaunt it. It might be hard at first, or even incredibly weird and if faking is what you got to do then be it. Fake it till you make it, and you are definitely going to make it!

by Yumnu Shareef